End of the year....and the ubbt

So I have to admit, I've been done exams for almost 2 weeks now and I have not been blogging. Funny how you can keep putting things off and time just slips by.

The Ubbt is coming to an end for me quickly and I'm kind of sad in a way. The Ubbt experience has done a lot of good for me. It taught me to hold myself acountable for my goals and progress and I've accomplished things I didn't think were possible.

I can now do 50 pushups without batting an eye, something I would have thought impossible, especially with my back issues. That, for me, is a major accomplishment.

The Ubbt also helped my leadership skills. I ran my leadership seminar as well as the kwoon renovations. I learned alot about organisation and running something. They definatly were learning experiences!

I also managed to accomplish my goal of getting into grad school. I'm so happy it worked out!

I practiced my fan form and tested for second degree as well. Check and check on my list...

However, I didn't manage to get everything done that I wanted to.

My 1000 reps of Kempo....not even close, and that was an important one. And I can't do the splits...once again, not even close:)

But the ubbt has taught me how to set goals and accomplish them, it has introduced me to people all over the world and most of all, has given me an excuse to train.

So although this year I'm not participating again, I have a list of goals to get done...including tackling Kempo!

Thanks Sifu Brinker and ubbt guys! You made this year awesome!

Swamped...as usual:)

In final exams....

Always manage to sneak up on me somehow:)

Brain hurts...feels kinda gushy....

Whew! What a last couple of weeks!

What a stressfull last couple of weeks! I had 4 midterms in four days, had to do a 20 minute presentation to a geology class and my professor and hand in another presentation that I have to give in the coming week.

That first presentation was sssoooo stressful! I had to give a twenty minute power point presentation (including handouts and references) to a class of my peers, graduate students and my professor. My topic was the midcontinent rift that occured 1.1 billion years ago along Lake Superior. The biggest part of the stress was that (apart from being graded), my professor has been involved in most of the major studies in this area, so I really had to know my stuff.

I tried to take control of the situation and gave my friends questions to ask me ahead of time, so I could have answers prepaired. I think it paid off, because I managed to avoid a major grilling by my professor; those who presented before me and weren't asked any questions got asked tough ones by my professor...not fun!

I think it went ok, but I was shaking afterwards. I have to give another presentation this week in another class, but this one is only five minutes. I've been finding it hard to keep my focus for this last one after going full board for the last two weeks. I hope it goes ok. Public speaking is not easy!

So that's what I've been doing for the last couple of weeks...stressing out and practicing my public speaking.

I have to say, oddly enough my Kung-Fu came in handy. By taking control of my situation and trying to shape it to my advantage, I managed to make it through. Definatly a valuable lesson! No matter how out of control you feel, there is always something you can do to stack the odds in your favor.

Crazy how Kung-Fu applies everywhere eh?

Still alive...just in exams...

So, I didn't blog last week, and missed it on Tuesday. But here I am.

It's that time of year again and I'm back in exams. Bah!

One day, when I'm a millionaire living in an Irish castle, I'll look back on these stressful times and laugh. Until then...back to the books I guess:)

Good luck candidates!

I just wanted to say that I hope the black belt testing is going well for all the candidates.

I know it can be an incredibly grueling, exhausting and sometimes even disheartening process, but hang in there. I also found it to be one of the most worthwhile, rewarding things I've ever done and it was a priveledge to take part in.

Just remember, we're all behind you and if your ready, you'll make it.

For those of you who are not grading right now, but planning to in the future, it's important to realize that that day can come sooner than you think, so don't wait until your last year to up your training.

Once again, our thoughts are with you Sihings!

Sweet sweet coffee....

Listening to celtic music on AOL radio right now...pretty cool stuff.

And trying to work on my biology assignment. Emphasis on trying:) Tuesdays are now my least faverite days of the week. I only have two classes on Tuesdays, but one is at 12:30, and the other isn't until 6pm. The break I have from 2-6 is just long enough I want to go home, but short enough that I have a hard time justifying the gas....

And my 6pm class doesn't end until 9pm! I tell you, whoever thought up that genius scheme was not a friend of mine! I like to refer to it as my weekly death march, but that's probably being over dramatic.

So ya, I'm sitting here, listening to celtic music, staring at my bio article and drinking coffee, trying not to fall asleep before the death march begins....

I don't know if I'm gonna make it...*gasp*....but hey, at least I have coffee! Sweet, sweet coffee:)

Physics is what killed Einstein...I'm sure of it!

Totally not feeling the blogging vibe today. I just spent the last 4 hours or so doing physics and my brain feels like a pile of jello...

Mmmmmm.....jello.....

As I said, I'm not very focused right now:)

Stupid Physics eating away at my soul!

Oh well..maybe in the end I'll be better off for having done it. I better be:)

Happy Times

So I'm feeling pretty good about life right now.

I got officially accepted into the faculty of graduate studies yesterday...so I'm now officially starting my Masters in January (assuming I graduate:) I'm so excited! A big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and now all those nights lying awake worrying about it don't seem to have mattered at all. I feel like I'm on the right path and I can't wait to get started. I consider this proof that prayer totally works! Thanks big guy!

My training is also coming along. I've started to devote more time and put in more effort and it feels great! I'm having such an awesome time helping out with the beginer class. Those guys are definatly a source of inspiration.

I'm still working part time scanning things on the micro-ct scanner for the fall and tomorrow I get to participate in a training seminar. I'll learn alot, I'm sure!

So ya...I'm pretty happy with my life right now. Everything seems to be falling into place after years of struggle and doubt. I hope it stays like this forever!

But if it doesn't that's ok, because I'm going to enjoy every minute of it and savour it. Then I'll have awesome memories for when I'm not feeling so motivated:)

Renos part 2

So I was a little dissapointed by the turnout for the renos this week.

At first I was optomistic...people were showing up and working hard, but by the end of the week, we were down to just a couple people a shift.

Sifu Freitag, Sifu M. Playter and myself were at the kwoon until 10/11 at night on Sunday finishing up. I'm not complaining, I'm simply trying to point out that this year, we could have used more help.

I'm so thankful to those who did show up this week, it was great to see you guys out.

This week bothered me a little, because we have over 250 people at this school and only a handful (under 20), came to help out.

What does this say about us as a school? What does this say about us as people?

I understand this was a horrible week to have renos...kids back to school, last long weekend, etc., but sometimes that's the way it goes.

I think what really bothered me was that I always see posts on kwoon talk about challenges and bettering yourselves and becoming better people, but when everyone is provided with an opportunity to actually DO something...no one shows up.

Bettering yourself isn't always accomplished by reading a book or adding something new to your routine. Sometimes you get the most out of giving something for nothing...by humbling yourself and getting down on your hands and knees and scrubbing for hours because you know it needs to be done. You become a better person when you recognize a need and try to fill the void. It takes a lot to give up your Friday night movie night, or to come after a long days work, but it does build on your character.

The majority of the school missed out on a big opportunity this year. You guys had the chance to change something, to build something, to be a part of something...and you missed it.

One of my favorite memories this year was of Sifu Masterson's little boy standing on a pile of mats exclaiming how tall he was to us all....he is such a funny little kid. I'll also cherish the memories of all of us scrubbing the floors together. Nothing brings people together like the mutual hatred of dirt:)

So I hope next year more people will come and we can all build our character and memories together.

Renos!

Renovations are off to a good start. I just got home after spending the day scrubbing the heck out of the floor. I like to think it looks alot better...but after awhile you can't tell anymore... A big thanks out to everyone who has been helping out! You guys are doing great.

I start classes tomorrow too. I'm excited. I like going to school, at least for the first couple of weeks:)

I'm also super stoked because I just found out I got accepted to grad school for January! I am having a hard time believing it's actually true, but it is! Ssssssoooooo awesome!!!!

This is going to be an awesome year, I just know it!

Not well...

Not feeling well...hopefully better soon.

Argggggg.

Too weak....to.....type....more....:)

Managed to do pushups and situps though!

Thank Goodness for Good People

So I have this ring. I love it to peices.

It's a fossil Ammonite mounted in steel and it's a beautiful honey brown. I got it in Jasper on our last trip and everytime I look at it I remember the fun we had there.

Anyway, yesterday I took it off to wash my hands in the sink. I set it on the edge of the sink, thinking I would put it back on after I dried my hands.

But I forgot.

I didn't remember until I was on my way to class last night. When I finally did remember, I started freaking out. Granted, my hysterics only lasted a couple of minutes until I realized, with my husband's help, that little could be done about it just then. It would have to wait until I went back into work the next morning. Then I could look for it.

I started to wonder why it bothered me so much. The money it had cost was one issue, but that did not seem to be the root cause. The idea of someone finding it and being over-joyed at their good fortune didn't really bother me either. I could live happily if I new someone else was loving it in my place. What really bothered me was the possibility I might see it on someone else's finger. Someone else having it, fine, but they'd better not let me see it...

I imagined the awkward situation it would be if I ran into someone with it. Would I say anything? Would it be my place to say anything? Would it really still be mine?

The concept of ownership can be fuzzy sometimes. Some people go by the adage, "Finders keepers..." while others do not. I'm finding it difficult to decide where I stand. Usually when I find something, I try to return it. But the thought of confronting someone with something I've lost made me question. What if they believe differently?

My dilema was solved as this morning when I found a post-it note on the bathroom mirror telling me where to come pick up my ring. Luckily for me, a nice lady had found it and believed that it should be returned. I have it on my finger as I'm typing and it's comforting to know that it's in my keeping again, at least until the good Lord decides otherwise.

I've always tried to live mylife according to the Christian concept of ownership, the idea that everything belongs to God and we're just temporary stewards. But this is easier thought than acted upon. Society places a lot of emphasis on ownership and it can be hard not to do the same. The idea of temporary stewardship is freeing in a way. I find having a lot of stuff can cloud the mind and thinking of it in a different way takes the load off I guess. I don't really know how to explain it.

This whole experience, although trivial in a way, has brought to my mind the importance I've placed on objects and things. I don't like the idea of objects holding emotional sway over me, but how do you disconnect memories from things? Will I forget if I get rid of the object? Are they a physical manifestation, a catalouge, of my memories? How can I free myself of this reliance on stuff if I'm afraid I'll forget?

Stuff to think about...

Road Rage=Push Ups

Yesterday, on the way home from work, I had the worst episode of road rage ever. For me anyway.

Yesterday I picked someone up from work on Jasper ave. on my way home. The traffic was terrible. I really wanted to make it to class at 6:30, I had said I would be there.

I got to their work at 4:50pm, they were off at 5. I waited and waited, watched their coworkers leave, but still no passenger. They finally came out at 5:15 and I was aggravated. Didn't they know that I had places to be?!? Emotion took over and instead of realizing that they were just doing their job, not trying to ruin my life, I began to sink into a bad mood.

Traffic, as I said, was ridiculous. It was backed up for what seemed like ages and we didn't reach the edge of the city until 5:50. By this time I was livid.

I wasn't shouting, but I have to admit, I was muttering foul words under my breath and following the people in front of me a little too closely. Didn't they realize that I had places to be?!? Once again, I was acting on emotion, not taking into account that everyone, not just me, had places to be, people to see, things to do. Getting angry didn't help. That's for sure.

All it did was seem to compound the stress.

By the time I finally rushed home, grabbed my stuff and made it to class, I was mentally exhausted. It's hard work being angry. Thoughts of a bad day at work, bad traffic, bad luck were definitely clouding my mind.

That's when I dropped down, during the warm up, and began to pound out push ups. Man did it ever feel good! All of my pent up frustration was released and I used it to push myself onward. I managed to do 306 push ups and 306 sit ups. Not bad for an off day!

There's nothing like a good workout to unwind after a long day and I felt so much better! My mind cleared, my spirits lifted and I felt good. I slept pretty good last night too.

I figure if these bad days keep happening, I'm going to to be ripped! That's kinda cool:)

Aaaahhhhh....

This weekend was really nice. After the demo (which went awesome!), we took off to Jasper for a night. It was so relaxing! We definatly needed to get away, even if it was only for a little while. The mountains were beautiful and the weather was great. I feel recharged and ready to go, although part of me wishes we were still hiding away in the mountains:)

Back to reality I guess!

I recomend a little escape for anyone who is feeling a little stretched and stressed out. It makes such a difference!

Plus, it makes for great memories (like seeing the mountainside lit up by a passing train at twilight-too cool!).

The beginer class is cool!

I spent this morning scanning another slice of meteorite and teaching a grad student how to use the x-ray machine. It's probably going to take all week to get him up to speed but that's OK.

Last night I got to help out with the beginner class again and it was awesome! It's so motivating to see the students in that class because they all try so hard and everything is new to them.

Sometimes it's easy to forget how exciting it was, and overwhelming, when I first started training. There seemed like an infinite amount of information and it was all so fresh and new.

I guess it's the same for the grad student I helped today.

He was so excited and thought the machine was so cool; he had trouble with the simplest task. But I have to remember, not that long ago (2 or 3 weeks) I was in the same boat and I had to be taught.

Kung-Fu is the same. That's why the beginner class is so awesome. You get a glimpse of the excitement in the students, that sense of awe that we sometimes forget.

Everyone in that class has a good attitude and try really hard. That's inspiring.

It's hard not to be inspired to do your push-ups when you see the students giving it their all in class, struggling to do their push-ups but doing them anyway.

Thanks Sifu Shipaleski for the opportunity, it was really awesome!

And thanks to the beginner class for being so darn cool!

Teaching is the great motivator

I'm really excited about my training right now. I've started going to more classes during the week and it's really boosted my drive to train. I find teaching is a great motivater to practice as it makes you aware of common mistakes and you always have to be ready to demonstrate.

Lately, I've been finding that Kung-Fu has been on my mind a lot. I get up, go to work, train and go to bed. That's been my life for the past couple of weeks and it's been awesome. When I go to bed at night I feel as though I've accomplished something in my day, not just watched T.V.

I'm now so excited to work on my forms. Teaching has given me the motivation to go beyond my everyday standards. How can I ask a student to fix mistakes if I'm not doing the same?

I guess what it comes down to is accountability. If I don't practice and improve, the student's will notice and respect for my skills will suffer. My reputation is on the line.

I think that's pretty cool.

Total Awesomness...I think

I had a pretty exciting day yesterday. Well, exciting for me anyway...

I started to get trained on the x-ray scanner at work. It allows you to scan small objects a few centimeters in size and created a 3-D image. I think it's so cool!

My husband on the other hand, although happy I was happy, was not as excited as I was at the thought of all the limitless scanning possibilities (rocks, shells...maybe a small action figure:).

Our first lesson was to scan a shell and create a 3-D model of the borings within it that had been made by crustaceans. I thought this was total awesomeness and I gushed about it to Mike when I got home, but to my chagrin, he forced a smile, said the old, "That's nice dear..." and tried not to yawn. I was shocked! The utmost in coolness was occuring and my significant other was not excited.

I thought maybe he was just overwhelmed by the idea and needed a few minute details so I began to regale him with stories of scanning the shell, how it was so funny when we almost positioned it the wrong way...I chuckled to myself and noticed that Mike was not chuckling, or even smiling anymore. The yawn was starting to escape his mouth...

I came to realize that the utmost in coolness for me, was not the utmost in coolness for Mike. I guess that's alright. Funny how people's taste's can differ so. Although I have to admit, if we liked ALL the same things, life would be pretty mundane. It's nice to be exposed to new things and new points of view.

Although I still think it would be totally awesome to scan a Darth Vadar action figure! Mwhahahahahaha:)

Fond memories and farewells

Right now I'm sitting at work in the lab looking out at the rain. This week has been busy so far. I got rear-ended over the weekend so I've been dealing with car repairs and injuries. I'm lucky so far in that I don't think I was injured too badly and I was able to resume my work out regime last night.

Also, this past week my Great Grandpa (also my Godfather) passed away. What upset me most about his passing was that, for the longest time now my sister and I had been talking about taking my Great Grandparents out to lunch to their favorite restaurant (Arbie's). We put it off and put it off, always planning to do it, but now it's too late.

I've always been somewhat of a procrastinator, but this was a real let down. I've always been of the mindset that it's never too late, you can always figure something out, but not with something like this. Death has a certain finality about it that just doesn't budge. There is no fudge factor or elbow room; when it's your time, it's your time.

I wish I had taken the opportunity to see him more. I guess all I can do is learn from this and try to not let it happen again. But are we ever really ready to let someone go? Maybe, I don't know.

For now I'll just spend some time looking at old photos and reminiscing. There's always time later for deep thinking...at least I like to think so.

Get 'er done!

This week has been a real struggle to get my push-ups, sit-ups and form reps in. Last night was the third night I was up until 1 or 2am pumping them out before I went to bed.

I don't know why, but I always end up leaving them until the last possible minute. To be honest, I don't like doing them, but I make myself everyday (or should I say night). It's really invigorating to fall into bed absolutly exhausted knowing you did it, you got those things done. Like Sifu Brinker was saying this week, you can have a horrible, aweful day but you get down and do your push-ups at the end of it and the world seems right again. No matter what happens, I can always count on those push-ups and sit-ups and form reps to pull me through.

That's a crazy thought.

When I was away doing fieldwork, I didn't do them. I told myself that I was too exhausted from the days hiking and a tent was no place to work out in...

Man do I regret that! Those are days lost that I will never get back. I had the opportunity to push myself beyond my everyday routine and I blew it.

Not doing them didn't help. I didn't get that daily ego boost I need and I noticed the difference. The hiking was that much harder the next day because I had already told myself that it was too much for me. By not doing my workout at the end of the day, I had admitted defeat, awknowledged that it was too difficult. I let myself down big time.

I've come to find, through this whole UBBT experience, that the workout itself isn't the point.The physical improvement is just a bonus.

The real value is in learning to keep promises to yourself, to be able to set goals, unbelievable goals, and get them done.

This week's workouts have been tough, but I wouldn't trade them for anything.

As a wise man once said...

"Don't take no @#$*# from no push-ups!"

Kung-Fu is awesome!

Well I'm back from Jasper finally.

I just spent about five days there conducting fieldwork on the Mount Head Formation by Talbot Lake and Mount Greenock. We took photos, measured the rock and took lots of notes.

Now comes the hard part of putting it all together to make a paper.

I really enjoyed being outside, although the hiking was pretty fierce, but I'm glad to be back.

Lately, I've been getting an itch to go to more Kung-Fu classes. After spending time sitting in front of a computer all day (excluding the field work) I'm finding I'm craving more activity. I'm hoping to make it to the beginer class, it's always super motivating, but I probably won't be home in time.

I can't wait!

Kung-Fu is awesome!

Anti-wasters unite! Better yet, stay home and save the gas...

I've always hated terms like "environmentalist" and "activist." For me, those are loaded terms that carry with them issues of wealth, nationality and education. 

 I have met many "environmentalists" and "activists" during my university career and, although I can't vouch for all of them, many I found were idealistic because it was the new fad and they could afford to be; it isn't difficult to attend a weekend protest when you don't have a job to go to. It's easy to drive an environmentally friendly car when you have the resources (or if your parents have the resources) to do so. It's harder to use less water when no one is watching, hard to pack a lunch or wear a sweater and turn the thermostat down. 

The environmentalist movement, for me, has become one associated with status and wealth. It has now become the "in" thing to go green and you see ads representing this trend (e.g.. car commercials, etc). 

This trend bothers me because, although on the surface environmentalism can be a relatively easy band wagon to join (start recycling for example), I think many people are missing the point. People aren't thinking of why and if they are, it's the wrong why.

Thus, I have decided to label myself as an "anti-waster."

This term for me embodies what environmentalism is meant to encompass, but without the baggage. I'm a firm believer in doing the best you can with what you have. I think true environmentalism takes thought and commitment. It shouldn't be as easy as buying the organic fruit in the supermarket. People should be gardening, taking shorter showers, reusing their sandwich bags, using a travel mug etc.

It's the little activities done in the background that ad up and make a difference, not the big, public things. 

I want people to think about what they're doing and why. Everything you do, how you live, how you define yourself should be because you know it's right and have figured out WHY it's right.

You shouldn't define yourself based on the opinions of others or in search of self gratification.

I guess in short my whole point is that you shouldn't be an environmentalist because you want to feel good about yourself or because you want to be trendy. It shouldn't be about showing off to others or getting pats on the back for recycling.

I think everyone should be an ant-waster because it makes sense. You shouldn't leave the light on because it wastes power and costs someone time, effort and money and uses up resources for no reason.

So be an ant-waster, but be one for the right reasons...

Leadership

As one of my projects for the UBBT, I have been running a leadership seminar this past month. This week is the final evening.
Every week, a different speaker has been giving a lecture on a different aspect of leadership. The first week Sifu Brinker spoke about public speaking. The second week was myself, with a presentation on how to find reliable information and the importance of being knowledgeable. Then, Sifu Playter discussed organization and discipline and how to successfully acheive a goal. Lastly, sifu Frietag spoke about how to effectivly teach.
Throughout this whole four week journey, the participants have had an assignment. They are required to make a presentation to the group about a project they have done or something they believe in. These presentations are due this Thursday. After the seminar, they are required within the next three months to successfully teach one technique in a class and publically promote their cause.

The goal of this entire endeaver has been to give students the tools needed to promote a cause. You can believe in something all you want, but if you don't know how to successfully promote it, you'll be believing it all by yourself.

I don't know how successful this seminar has been but I hope the participants have found it helpful and worthwhile. I myself have learned quite a lot from the presentations and I'm really excited to see what the students produce. My hope is that they carry this forward and pursue what they think is important. Now is the best time to start.

Thanks to everyone who has helped make this happen...it's been a lot of fun!

Speedballin'...

I was driving to work this morning and a song came on the radio. It was "Bleed it out" by Linken Park. As I was driving and listening to the song, I got really pumped (it's a pretty up-beat kind of tune) and all I could think about was, "I gotta pull over and do some Kung-Fu!"

I didn't pull over, it would have been unsafe and probably irresponsible, but I really, really wanted to break out my spear...

The right music can definatly get you going. "Speedballin'" by Outcast is my favorite one for eskrima sticks and every time I hear it I wanna grab them.
When Mike and I listen to the radio, we often find ourselves judging the quality of the song by whether or not it would be good for a weapons form. Metallica is a good source for this kind of thing. I love practicing to good music; I can feed off the energy it generates and it makes for a really good time. Music has a way of lighting up your soul, and soul is what you need to do good Kung-Fu.

Now I really want to blast "Speedballin'" and whip my eskrimas around...

Good habits are easy to kill and hard to start

Last night at the leadership seminar, Sifu Playter did a talk on organization, dedication and discipline. I found it really inspiring. I really needed some encouragement for my UBBT requirements. Lately I've been finding it extra hard to get my push ups and situps done.

I was doing great until I went off to field school and stopped doing my workouts every night. Spending all day hiking up cliffs and pushing through bush then spending the evenings doing assignments really drains a person. I didn't think it would be a big deal to miss a few. 

Since I've returned, I've had a hard go of it when it comes to getting my workouts done. The habits I had taken months to build, didn't take long to get disrupted and now I need to push myself to get it done.

Things are improving, but why did I stop??? 

Lesson to be learned... it is easier just to do it than leave it for later; then it is twice as hard.

Can't wait for data...

So bored...

I'm at work with nothing to do. I've been finding and reading papers all day about chert; trying to keep myself busy until I get another assignment.

I'm excited about going out to Jasper for a week. I'm going in June to get some data on the Mount Head Formation by Talbot Lake and Mount Greenock. It should be pretty fun. After I have some data, I'll actually be able to do some work, not just research all day.

I can't wait!

Not feeling well at all. The cold has come back with a vengence. Not good. Exam on Wed. Need sleep...

Nothing to write about?

I'm finding it hard to find something to write about.
Normally, I would just not bother writing, but because of the challenge I'm having with my brother I can't (unless I want to lose), not to mention the UBBT.
This is partly why I previously wrote very rarely. Always in my mind was the idea that others would be reading this and judging my character based upon it. The thought always scared me and I therefore tried only to write what I thought would be meaningful and sound intellegant.

I suppose at a certain point in your journey, you have to let go of that fear. You can't always let the opinions of others guide your actions; sometimes you just have to be yourself.
It takes courage to do so however, and that is something I need to work on.

That's what I learned tonight, while writing about having nothing to write about, sometimes you just have to be yourself and love it.

Blessings

I had a lot of fun today putting together a bokken sequence with Mike. We got it to flow pretty well and I always have fun working with him. It's a real blessing to be able to share our Kung-Fu with each other. Not many people get that opportunity.

Today I learned that to be able to share what you love with the person you spend your life with is one of the greatest things anyone could ever hope for, especially if they know how to cook!

Doubt and Belief

Tonight I watched the movie Doubt.
It wasn't bad, not great, but enough to get me thinking.
The story is about a nun at a school who suspects the priest of certain wrong-doings. She has no proof, but is certain that the safety of particular students is at risk.
Even if the priest is innocent, she can't risk the possibility of his guilt.

I think this is true when it comes to a lot of things; sometimes people believe things just because they are afraid they might be true. I think this is especially the case when it comes to religion.
I don't disagree with the nun's diligence, children's safety is paramount in this case, and I don't know if she actually believed it 100%, but it got me thinking. Believing in something because you are afraid it might be true isn't truly believing at all. I think some people kid themselves, thinking fear is belief. It isn't.
In order to truly believe something, you need to have tested it, tried it and weighed against other possibilities; you need to be sure it is the truth, not just a possibility.

Tonight I learned to question my beliefs, to make sure I'm am not simply following fear.
To truly believe something, you need to ask questions.
Belief takes work.

Interuption in my chi

Not feeling well...
My chi was flowing pretty good in my hands, but my head feels like a block of lead-nothing gets through. Tomorrow I'll play around some more and see if I can help unclog my chi.

Tonight I learned that push-ups are a lot harder when your chi isn't cooperating. This lesson showed me that everything is better when you have your chi involed, punches, etc. It is the oohmph factor and gives you your power.

Sickness...NNNNOOOO!!!!

I think I'm getting a touch of illness.
When my sister and her roommate visited this past weekend, Emily (the roommate) had bronchitis so I'm a tad concerned.
I'm going to guzzle some grapefruit juice (universal cure for all ills), finish my UBBT workout for the night and hit the sack. A good night's sleep will give me a boost.

Today I learned that illness can sure slow you down and that one should be thankful for one's health. You shouldn't take your health for granted.

Getting things done

I just spent the last 7 hours completing my final petoleum project: 3 cross sections about 3m long each, an isopach map, some reservoir calculations and some written questions. I'm exhausted and I still have to finish my UBBT workout for the day. I've been working on the project for the past three weeks and had gotten over half of it completed, but I never seemed to have enough time, before tonight, to go through and actually finish it all.

Tonight I learned that you never have enough time to get things done when you want to, you always have enough time to get things done when you have to and I really should try to get things done before crunch time.

Taking chances

So today I dropped off my letter of intent, the final part of my grad school application.
I poured every hope I had into writing that letter, trying to put across the passion I hold for geology and how badly I want to do this. It was really hard to drop off that letter. I don't really even know why, but it took all I had to do it.
I think, because I put so much of my private dreams into that letter, getting my Phd, teaching, research, etc., it was like giving a piece of myself up for judgement. The possibility that I might not get accepted is the possibility that I am personally not good enough; that's a hard thing to face.
So I roped in a friend to come with me and I placed it down infront of the secretary who looked it over and uttered, "good," dropping it in my file.
Now I sit, waiting for the letter that will say yay or nay.

I'm telling myself that if I don't get accepted, I'll just get a job, start a carrier and move on; but deep down inside, the thought of failing, of not being accepted, of having to sit on the sidelines while other decide my future is driving my out of my mind.

Today I learned it is hard to put your dreams on the line, to put yourself out there for judgement; but if don't, you never have the chance to do anything great.

Friends

Third day blogging.
Today I met my sister's roommate. She seemed really nice and we all got along really well. They are at firefighting school in Vermillion and will be there for a year. They came by for a visit and to do laundry. I always look forward to my sister's visits. Now that we don't live together, we're actually good friends.

Today I learned good friends are nice to have, but being able to be friends with your family is a true blessing. I'm glad my sister and I are friends.

The Great Blog-off

Today I challenged my brother to a blog-off. We're each going to write our blog everyday for a month. If one of us fails, we are at the mercy of the other. I hope he loses so I can make him eat a whole bottle of ketchup! I'll take pictures too!

That is the lesson I learned today; competition and teamwork makes goals easier to achieve.

It's on like donkey-kong Ben! Hope you like ketchup:)

So tonight in class I had a bit of an eye opener. Master Brinker and the others who went to Alabama talked about their experiences and how the trip affected them and it brought to my attention how important journaling is.



For my UBBT requirements, I tried to balance out physical and mental tasks so as to make me a more well rounded black belt. I have school as a big part, getting good grades and getting into grad school, etc. I also have push ups, situps and my form reps as far as physical requirements go.

When I joined the UBBT student team, Master Brinker told me I was required to journal once a week. I hate journalling but I added it to my list of mental requirements. I thought it would be easy...maybe a tad inconvenient, but easy.



I was wrong.



Throughout this whole UBBT, my pushups, my situps, my form...I'm right on track. I've done 32, 799 pushups, 32,519 situps and 270 reps of Kempo since accepting the challenge on September 14; but I haven't journalled very much at all.

It might be because I'm afraid to write something I'll regret, or maybe just because I'm lazy (more likely). Anway, tonight was a kick in the pants so I better get my act together:)

I think if I try to write every day when I do the rest of my Kung-Fu routine, I can make it a habit. I've realized that I've missed out on a lot of opportunities for self examination and memories that journalling can provide and preserve.
I don't want to miss out anymore. Journalling can be a great tool if I decide to use it.

So I'll start by writing again tomorrow. If I try to think of one thing I learned everyday and write it down and think about it, I should think that would make me a better person in the end.

Exams are donezo!

I wrote my last midterm exams last week and I'm glad they're over. I had four exams last week and two before reading week, so I guess that six in total. Now I'm in that limbo world where your relieved your finished, but worried because you don't know how you did. I'm just hoping I did well enought to keep my average high.
I can't wait until summer, although I know there will be things to stress me out then as well.
After having a week off, it was hard to come back last week and pound out my exams, but I did it.
Here's hoping I did it well:)

Reading Week...yahoo!

I'm so glad it's reading week.
I get this week off to catch up on work and de-stress a little after the first batch of midterms last week. I can't wait for summer!
I have a lot of stuff to get done but it feels like a vacation. All I need is a lawn chair, a glass of lemonade and I'm almost there:)
Anyway, off to relax some more!


Oh ya, congratulations to the new black belts. You guys n gals did great!

Lame Conference...

I can't write for long. I'm bogged down in research papers, exams and assignments. On top of that, I was gone yesterday to Calgary at a geology conference. What a long day!
I found it dissapointing.
I took an entire day to go down and "mingle" and listen to talks but it ended up being 6 hrs on the bus, 2 hrs sitting waiting for the thing to start (our bus from the university got there WAY too early!), 4 hours of "mingling" with professionals to network (although there were only about 10 or so and 50 students) and only about 4 hours of actual talks.
I hated "mingling" because it seems so fake and insincere. I enjoyed the talks, but I don't think they were worth it; the only talk I really got something out of was by one of my professors who teaches me three times a week back at the U of A.

Oh well, lesson learned. Don't go to lame conferences sponsered by the union because you'll spend most of your time learning how to "develope professionally."

I'd rather be out in the dirt looking at some rocks...

Just call me four eyes...

So, I just recieved my first pair of glasses on Monday.
The last 2 years or so, I have noticed my vision becoming less clear while viewing things far away so I got my eyes checked finally a couple of weeks ago.
I've never had to wear glasses before so I'm finding it difficult to adjust. I don't have to wear them, but they make driving and school infinatly easier.
The funny thing is, I find myself having a kind of identity crises of sorts. I always identified myself as someone with reasonable eyesight; someone who didn't need to wear glasses. Now I'm forced to change that idea of myself.
When I was told I needed glasses, it wasn't a shocker. I had suspected for, as I said, for a couple of years; I started having trouble seeing the board at school and I was pretty sure I'd end up wearing them.
But when I finally got them, put them on and saw myself in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself.
It really bothered me.
I didn't look the same.
I've been wearing them for a couple of days now, but I'm still struggling. I know logically it makes sense. I see better with them on and, oddly enough, it doesn't really bother me to wear them; it bothers me to see myself wear them.
Funny how simple things we use to identify ourselves (wear/don't wear glasses) can be so engrained within us.
But, it's time for a change...

New Beginings

Well I'm sure you've all heard the news...
Kelsey's family restaurant burned down.
I've worked there for almost four years now and I have to say, when I heard the news, I felt pretty happy. I mean it's horrible that it burned down and all, but I felt as if a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
I guess that's a sign that I wasn't happy in my job.
I already knew I wasn't happy there, but I hadn't realized how much stress it caused me. I didn't realize how much I dreaded going there.
I know lots of people would say I just should have quit but it wasn't that simple.
I knew the job, had some seniority (as much as you can have at a Kelsey's:) and I could work whenever I wanted which was convienient since I'm in school and need flexability. They let me work once a week and were very accomadating.
I stayed at the job because it was convienient and I only had to do it for a short time longer until I graduate.
But I felt such a sense of relief when I heard the news, I felt a bit ashamed. I've never really been big on the New Year's resolutions and what not, but I feel this is a new begining of sorts. This new begining coincides well with the UBBT which has officially just started.
I'm pumped right now.
I'm on track with my UBBT...I hit the ground running on Jan 1st. The 1000 pushups and situps got me going.
I'm filling out my application for grad school and meeting with my possible supervisor this week.

And Kelsey's burned down.
Yipee:)