Thesis handed in!!!!

Sorry I haven't blogged in the last while. It was a big push to get my Thesis finished, but it's finally done! I handed it in and now just the defence part (next week!). I'm pretty nervous about that part. You have to stand in front of a bunch of super-smart people and answer questions about what you did. If they think your work is ok then you pass, if not then you have to fix it. So scary!
But at the same time it will be nice to be done with it! It's taken up a lot of my time lately and it's always in the back of my mind. Hopefully my defence goes well!
My Thesis is titled "Petrographic and microfocus computed tomographic analysis of the Upper Montney Formation, Northeastern B.C., Canada."
Riveting I know:)
 For all you geology buffs out there, it's about the Montney Formation (source for natural gas in AB and BC) which was deposited following the largest of all mass-extictions.....the end-Permian mass extinction. It's interesting to study because it shows the struggle for life to come back after environmental detestation and also has some relatively unique mineralogical properties. When it was deposited, Alberta was on the coast (BC did not exist yet) and the ocean underwent long periods of very little oxygen (because of environmental factors like volcanic eruption and poor ocean circulation).
By analyzing minerals like pyrite, we can track the levels of oxygen present during deposition. Too cool!

Anyway, I could go on forever, but I'm sure the vast majority of you would just yawn, so I'll end it here.

Thesis in! Yayayayaya!

Defence.....scary!

Fail!

So I made it all the way until Saturday before I gave in and ate MacDonalds. What is that....10 days? Argh! Fail!
Oh well, back on the horse...2 days fast-food free and counting!
What made me really want MacDonalds was the fact that I had to go for blood tests. Every time I've had to do something nasty (like chemo or tests) I always would treat myself afterwards with MacDonalds. It gave me something to look forward to. So when I had to go on Saturday, afterwards I really got a craving and so I gave in. I don't think it's bad to reward yourself for stuff, but I do think that MacDonalds maybe isn't the healthiest of rewards. I'm going to have to build a new reward system. Food shouldn't be a reward anyway.

On the plus side, I'm finally on the mend again. I've had a really bad infection for the past couple of months in my back. They think it originated from my epidurals during childbirth (an abscess formed and burst...sorry if that grosses you out!). That's what the blood tests are for. Anyway, it's been pretty painful and tiring and I'm hoping to finally be over it in the next month or so. I'm so sick of antibiotics! Actually I'm just sick of being sick. Hopefully this will be the end of it.

Christmas is coming....can't wait!

I almost touched a Martian!

So this week was pretty regular except for Friday.
One of the Professors in our department gave a talk on Friday and I was able to attend. He studies meteorites for a living and just recently returned after a year of sabbatical at the Smithsonian Institute. He was one of the guys that got to decide what the mars rover is going to bring back from Mars. So anyway...long story short, super smart and gets to study rocks from Mars.
His talk was all about the latest meteorite to come from Mars. It landed in Morocco in 2011 and he managed to raise the funds to buy a small piece (he paid over $19,000 for less than 45 grams!). The part I found most interesting was how they determined it was from Mars. They melted bits of glass found within the meteorite that contained some left over atmosphere (it was sealed in there from the intense heat generated when the rock was ejected from the surface by an impact). They compared the composition of gasses contained in these bits of glass to what the rover is measuring on the Martian surface and they matched exactly! Too cool!

The best part of all though was after the talk was over, he let anyone who wanted to (provided you wore a glove) hold the meteorite. It was awesome! I was surprised though because out of the 30 or more people who attended, only six or so stuck around and not everyone who did stick around wanted to hold it. Opportunity missed for sure!

So anyway, I got to hold a 600 million year old rock that came from mars! Something to tell the grandkids for sure!

If you want to know more about it, here's a link:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/story/2012/10/12/mars-meteorite-quirks.html

Oh cheeseburger!

For the month of November I have a new goal....no fast food, specifically MacDonalds.
I have a big weakness for fast food. Part of the reason is that it is so convenient. I can grab supper on the way home from work when I don't have time to have a good dinner before class. But convenience does come at a price. I know it's not good for me and in the back of my mind is always the thought "has my bad diet contributed to my cancer?" Realistically the answer is probably yes.
But even having had cancer, it is still so easy to say that "oh this one time can't really cause me any problems." And it tastes sssssoooo good! It's hard to turn down.
I don't want Julia growing up eating fast food though. And how do you say to your kid, "sorry I can have this but you can't." I need to break this habit

I think it's going to be a struggle, but everything worth doing is. I am going to have to try really hard to stick to my guns this November. Lord willing, this month will be the first month of the rest of my life living MacDonalds free!

Blogging

So tonight in the beginner class I spoke about the importance of blogging. I told what a great opportunity it is to be able to record your Kung-Fu journey and how we all have the power to change and influence the world through our blogs.

To be completely honest, I have not been living up to this. It's difficult sometimes (ok most of the time) to think of something profound to say that I think the world will benefit from. Often times I don't think I put the right effort into writing a great blog entry. This is reflected in the quick, this-was-my-day entries.

Sometimes though I think I do end up with something meaningful to say. Sometimes I feel different when I've completed an entry. Sometimes writing certain entries changes my perspective and this changes who I am. I find if I take the time to sit down and put my thoughts to words, I figure things out a little better. I grow as a person.

I don't think my blog will necessarily solve the middle-east crises, but I do think that it shows a person struggling to be better. And I think, if nothing else, blogging has been good for me.

Busy busy!

So I'm back in school again. I go three days a week now and spend the rest at home with Julia. It's really nice to be getting back to my old life again. I just handed my last chapter for my Thesis earlier this week so now I just have to wait for the edits. Then, once it's all edited, I have to defend it to a committee. I'm pretty nervous about that part, but there's no way around it. I officially start my PhD in January. That part is really exciting.
Having been a nerd from a young age, I've always wanted to count myself among the top scientists in geology (my passion began with a love of dinosaurs). While getting a PhD doesn't ensure that, it is one step closer. Conducting research has proven to be something I thoroughly enjoy.
But, more immediate things are taking my attention right now. I'm taking a class...geomicrobiology. It's really interesting, but also really intense. I'm also TAing (teaching labs) for an introductory geology course. Again, super fun but a lot of work.
So life has become busy again and it's awesome!

Performance

So we had our dragon dance/lion dance performance today and it went pretty good...except for the part where I lost my drum stick.
It's funny how you can practice so many times and then one sweaty palm, one wrong angle and poof...your stick is gone. It can be hard to keep your cool when something like that happens, but in the end you just have to grab your stick and keep going. You hope that no one noticed, but you know that's probably not the case. Accepting the fact that you made a mistake can be difficult, especially when that mistake affects the performance of others. But making mistakes is part of growing, as a drummer, as a martial artist and as a person.
Trying to learn from your mistakes is part of life too, but so is accepting the fact that sometimes crap happens and sometimes that crap happens in public. You have to keep holding your head high and keep going. Damage control. It's all a part of performing.
I'm pretty sure at some point in my drumming carrier, I'll lose another stick. As much as you try to keep ahold of them, you have to drum with a loose grip and so sometimes it happens. But practice helps and maybe I should take from this that I need more practice...maybe not at drumming (although I could always use practice at that too), but at performing. Performing is a skill that gets better with practice and maybe, with practice, my palms won't get quite so sweaty and I'll keep ahold of my sticks.
So it all comes back to practice...doesn't it always!?!

Great job everyone who was involved in the dance!

Ninja Baby!

So little Julia can sit up on her own now which is pretty cool, along with almost crawling. She's growing really fast! I like to think she'll be a little ninja when she grows up and will want to train like we do. But we'll have to see. Maybe she'll want to dance instead (or do both like a certain famous martial artist). A good sign though is that she laughs when we get her to fake kick people (I know it sounds terrible, but it's really cute....not that we're advocating child violence or anything).
I hope that she finds something that she's passionate about. Everyone needs something.
Maybe if we buy one of those little baby sized uniforms, she'll get so used to wearing one that she'll have to love Kung-Fu! Mwahahahahahaha! Baby manipulation!

Dragon dance

So we have a dragon and lion dance coming up in the beginning of September. I've been kind of nervous about it, wondering if we would be ready or not. But yesterday we had a great practice and I'm confident that the performance will go well. It's been difficult because we've had so many new people (myself included), but everyone has stepped up and it's looking great now. One of the major difficulties with the dragon dance is the number of people it involves. You need at least nine every practice. The difficulty is in trying to schedule practices around nine different schedules. But so far we've always had enough people (sometimes just!).

I always found lion dancing (and now dragon dancing) to be a great test of my commitment. Over the years I've rescheduled work, missed parties, put off vacations etc. so that I could make practices. The great motivator for me was not the dance itself (although that's cool too), but the camaraderie and team-building atmosphere that you only get when you practice for hours together. You build a special bond within your team and it's really special. I always felt a lot of pressure to show up to practices too because it wasn't just me that was effected, but the entire team and ultimately (because we represent the school at performances), the school. It's a great responsibility to be a member of a performance group, but you get a lot of benefit from it too (the team building I mentioned, performance experience, technical skill etc.).
When you are in a dance, you have to put the team (and the school) first and yourself (your schedule - although work can be difficult) second. That's what real commitment is, its being willing to sacrifice your own goals for the greater cause that you've signed up for.

I understand that it can be hard to do so when you have a family. I've been blessed in that my husband is also very much involved in the school too so it makes my involvement easier. But at the end of the day, I don't think family can be used as an excuse for lack of commitment.
I can say this because I've been heavily involved in other things (for this example, my church), that my husband has no interest in what-so-ever. I acted as youth councillor for a number of years, leading trips across the country, having youth-nights once a week and generally being very busy organizing and running events. I was able to remain committed because I thought it was important enough to justify time away from my family. I was helping young kids discover their faith. That to me was very important and I had committed to running their group. It is a balancing act, but at the end of the day you have to ask yourself what your priorities are. If something is going to make you a better person, or has the potential to benefit countless others, it will ultimately benefit your family. Showing true commitment and dedication to something you believe in can be a great example for your spouse, children and extended family. But the trick is that it has to be something that you believe in.

Getting those you care about involved in your causes is a great way to add balance. My Mom and Julia came and watched our practice yesterday and they really enjoyed it. It makes them feel a part of things too and they see why it's so important (although whether Julia understands this yet is doubtful, but she liked all of the colours and noise!). Bringing your family along on your journey helps you stay connected with them and you get to know each other in different ways.
I know this may sound like idealized gunk, but I think it's true.

I'm excited now because I'm starting to see the dragon dance group really pull together and become a great team. I know the I Ho Chuan guys already have a team thing going on and that the dragon dance team was also in chinese new year, but it's still neat to see a group of people coming together for a single purpose.
It's really inspiring to see.

Bruce Lee is awesome

So we recently watched a show about Bruce Lee and it was pretty interesting. What struck me most was his attitude towards fitness. He was of the mindset that you need to get in shape so that you can do your Kung-Fu effectively. This thought struck a chord for me because I've usually approached my training with the thought of doing Kung-Fu to get into shape. Kung Fu does get you into shape if you work hard, but the idea of doing additional things (like weight training, etc.) with the specific goal of getting stronger for my Kung-Fu is new to me. Usually I'd do things like that just to "get healthier" or because I know it's good for me. Now the thought of training for my Kung-Fu is kind of cool. It gives new purpose to my fitness training. I'm not doing situps just because of some abstract reason of wanting to get into shape, I'm doing situps so that I can take a punch to the gut. I'm doing pushups so that I have strong punches. I'm running so that I won't tire out in a sparring match.

Kung-Fu does a lot for us, but we need to do a lot for our Kung-Fu as well. It's a feedback loop. In the case of fitness....the more in shape I get, the better my Kung-Fu and the better my Kung-Fu, the better my fitness becomes.

I don't know if any of this made any sense, but I feel excited about my fitness training now. It has a defined purpose. I no longer do it just because it's good for me. Now I do it because it will make specific aspects of my Kung-Fu better.

Progressing wisely

So I recently participated in a sparring class...the first one in probably years. I always enjoyed sparring as a coloured belt and now that I'm a black belt, I still do, but a little less often. This last class though I pushed myself a little too hard. Now I've never been one to let injuries keep me down, but what Master Brinker says about patience and progressing wisely is true. You can't go too hard too fast. That was the mistake I made this week. I ended up paying the price for it this weekend with a ruined body. I learned that my body isn't quite ready for that kind of strain....yet.

Now my fear in regards to injury has always been that I'd end up stagnating. It can be easy to use injuries as an excuse to not break a sweat. So I've always been the other way, I usually push things too hard and too fast, which isn't the answer either.
So for now at least I'm going to try and have patience and progress wisely. Maybe I shouldn't be sparring full tilt yet. But instead maybe I should be focusing on other things like my tai chi.
But it's hard when you remember all of the things you used to do and how badly you want to be able to do them again at the same level.

Knowing me, as soon as I stop hurting...probably later this week...I'll be pushing it hard again.
I need to try and train smarter.

No news is good news

So I went for my six month check up (a mammogram). I haven't heard anything back so I'm assuming it's good news. My doctor said no news is good news.

It's weird because I used to think there would come a point where someone would tell me "congratulations! your cancer free!" But no one ever really says that. All you get is a "well we haven't found any, so you're probably in the clear."

 You might think that not finding any is the same as being cancer free, but it's not. It's different because in the back of your mind you have this little voice of doubt saying "they just haven't found it yet! It's in there though, just waiting to pop up!"
The longer I go on, the quieter the voice gets though. That's encouraging. I've heard other people say that they never think about it once their treatments are done, but I don't think that's true for me. I do think though that in time I won't think about it.
I imagine it's the same sort of thing for other people who have had health scares...heart attacks, strokes...whatever. It takes time to wear away the worry.

Kung-Fu has been helping though. It feels good to be getting my body back into shape. It's been pretty difficult, but I'm able to do push-ups again and run again and do forms. It's hard to think that 6 months ago I could't even make it up a flight of stairs without needing to rest. Just goes to show you how quickly life can change for the better too.
Lord willing I'll be on the upward swing for a while yet!

Renos!

So kwoon renovations/maintenance are coming up in August.
I have very fond memories of past reno-weeks. I remember when we first got the kwoon and being there for those very first renos. Since then the kwoon has grown and changed so much.
I like going because you get to hang out with really positive inspiring people. The work itself I don't really enjoy...but the feelings that come from the work are second to none. There is nothing like walking by a wall and remembering how you spent hours scrubbing the wall there and painting. It makes the place feel like home. The more memories you can build at the kwoon, the more at home you feel there.
It also gives you a chance to fix all the dents in the walls and dings in the ceiling that comes from training hard all year. There is nothing like patching a hole that you made. It makes you a little more conscious of the consequences of how you train.
And working together really brings about feelings of family. If you come out to events like the kwoon renos, you get a chance to bond with your training mates on another level. You also get to meet people you normally don't get to see because of all the different class times. There is nothing like hard physical labour to bond people. It's these kind of things that build our Kung-Fu family.
That's why I'm glad we don't just hire a group of strangers to come do the work for us. Our kwoon is built of our own blood, sweat and love. Not everyone who trains in the martial arts has the privilege of saying that.
So I encourage everyone to be there this time around. I had to miss out last year because of my treatments, but this year I'm all in!

Plus, you get pizza!

Mastery

I'm currently trying to finish writing up my Master's Thesis in Geology. It's been hard getting back into the school thing. I lack the discipline now so I have to force myself to work. It's not that I don't enjoy it, it's just that it's easier to do other things - things that require less thinking. I've been trying to take what Master Brinker said to heart about mastery being a war of attrition. You have to work at things a little every day if you want to make progress.
I used to wait until I had a good block of time (a couple of hours), not too early in the morning and not too late, when the sun was shining just right and I felt the itch to write.
Needless to say, my progress was slow. And now that I have Julia, an uninterrupted block of time doesn't really come up.
Now the only way I get any work done is in little snippets here, a thought there. But the key, I've found in the last few months, is to force yourself to do something everyday, even if it's just reading over what you have so far.
Don't get me wrong, it is a struggle, especially when the only time to get it done is just before bed when I'm exhausted. But I think that's what Master Brinker meant. It's not about accomplishing something all at once...it's about slowly chipping away at your goals until they get accomplished.

Here's to slow but inevitable progress!

Back in black

So I'm back in the groove of life where I left off a year ago (with the addition of lil' Julia). It's funny how easy it is to fall back into things. The first time back to church or work or out with a friend you haven't seen for a long time can be scary. Are they gonna ask me awkward questions? Are they going to treat me differently? But it's important not to let fear stop you from doing the things you want to do.
I think the key is in how you approach it. If you approach your return as a positive and don't look it as something to be afraid of, then everyone else will see it the same way. If you act scared or uncomfortable then it rubs off on others.

I found coming back to class a little difficult too. It wasn't so much that I felt out of practice (though I was), I was more scared about my appearance, mostly because of my hair. It's funny how little things like that can seem such a big deal. But after wearing a hat around everyone for months, it was almost like being naked the first time I went back to class without it.

But after the first class, actually after the first 5 minutes, I didn't care anymore. Stepping onto the mats, I felt like I was home and nothing had changed. When you train in a place for so long, it triggers a certain mental state in you when you go back there. For me it is one of positivity, happiness and fond memories of sweat. I can understand what Master Brinker means when he says our kwoon is like a temple. If you approach it with the right mindset every time you step on the mats, then when you need that mindset later on, all you have to do is step on the mats.

Recovery

So my treatments are finally all over. I finished my radiation treatments a couple of months ago. I had underestimated the difficulty of radiation. I had thought that you just go for a while and maybe you'll get a sun burn. No such luck. You have to go everyday (except weekends and holidays) for a month (for me) and they zap you while you lye under this huge machine. It doesn't take very long, but it's annoying having to go in to the hospital every day. Thankfully my mom and mother-in-law were able to babysit. The treatments didn't bother me until after they were all over. About a week after everything finished, my skin started turning black and splitting open. Eventually it turned to hard scales and fell off, leaving tender baby skin underneath. It took about a month to get back to "normal". Unfortunately though, the radiation damages your lung, muscles and should joint too, but you don't see it. I should have been more diligent about doing my physiotherapy stretches because now my shoulder and chest muscles are tight and sore...it's been hard to stretch them out now but I'm making progress. I'm trying to get back to normal in regards to my Kung-Fu, but it's been difficult. In addition to the injuries, my right arm has begun to swell if I do to much with it so I have to be careful (lymphadema). On the good side, this is good motivation to start practicing things with my left hand. That is something I've never focused on. I also plan on becoming an excellent kicker!

On a sadder note, our cat Ginger was run over a while back. She was pretty awesome. She used to come with me for walks in the park and was quite a character! She was absolutely fearless and lived every moment to the fullest. She was constantly in the moment. We'll miss you Gingy!

New beginings

So a lot has happened since my last posting.

Most notably, my daughter Julia was born. She came January 17 at 9:45 pm and weighed 6 pounds. Luckily, my last chemo treatment was two weeks before, so I was on the up-swing, so to speak.

Now I'm doing radiation treatments. I have to go every day (except weekends) for six weeks. It's not difficult, just eats up a lot of your day.

Adjusting to the lil' one has also been interesting. I'm glad my chemo was done before she came because I don't think I could have done the middle of the night feedings otherwise!

Thankfully, Julia seems to be completely healthy and even though she came a month early, she's doing great! I was worried about the effect everything would have on her, but the pediatrician said she's perfect. What a relief!

I'm starting to get used to the whole parent thing, but it's definitely weird. I'm also excited to be done treatments. I've been able to start practicing a little again and it's awesome. I've missed being able to train.

Hopefully soon I'll be able to come back to classes! You better all watch out when I do! Got a few months of pent-up Kung-Fu to vent!