Taking chances

So today I dropped off my letter of intent, the final part of my grad school application.
I poured every hope I had into writing that letter, trying to put across the passion I hold for geology and how badly I want to do this. It was really hard to drop off that letter. I don't really even know why, but it took all I had to do it.
I think, because I put so much of my private dreams into that letter, getting my Phd, teaching, research, etc., it was like giving a piece of myself up for judgement. The possibility that I might not get accepted is the possibility that I am personally not good enough; that's a hard thing to face.
So I roped in a friend to come with me and I placed it down infront of the secretary who looked it over and uttered, "good," dropping it in my file.
Now I sit, waiting for the letter that will say yay or nay.

I'm telling myself that if I don't get accepted, I'll just get a job, start a carrier and move on; but deep down inside, the thought of failing, of not being accepted, of having to sit on the sidelines while other decide my future is driving my out of my mind.

Today I learned it is hard to put your dreams on the line, to put yourself out there for judgement; but if don't, you never have the chance to do anything great.