A lot has happened in the last few months of my life. At first I wasn't going to blog about it, preferring to deal with things privately, but as I've thought about it I think the benefits of talking about my ongoing issues outweigh privacy concerns.
First, the good news...
We are now expecting our first child and I am already four months along. We are both very exited about this and it is a total blessing.
But this has been overshadowed somewhat by the bad news...
Turns out I have breast cancer too. I've been leaning away from telling a lot of people, but as I said, there are benefits to talking about it. First, I'm hoping that by talking about my journey, I will raise awareness about this for others in the school. I was 26 when my cancer started (I've now turned 27) and I have no family history of breast cancer. It's important that everyone (including men) are vigilant about self examinations and I want to encourage people (no matter your age or history) to pay attention to his or her body.
Secondly, I'm sure it would be apparent something was up when I show up to classes without hair (during my chemotherapy) so this way I can tell everyone and hopefully avoid the "what's with the Master Brinker hair cut?" questions.
Everyone has been asking me how I found out I had cancer. I've had a cyst in my right breast since I was 17 which would come and go with my monthly cycle. This cyst was affected by birth control pills and began to become permanent when I was 20. I would get it regularly checked by a doctor every so often, but because of my age and lack of family history, none of them seemed worried. When I became pregnant, it began to swell and bleed and I was sent for an ultrasound and biopsy. These results showed that it seemed to be cancerous. My surgeon thinks that the cancer developed recently beside this cyst, influenced by my pregnancy and the hormones produced and that my cancer is only 4 or 5 months old.
I learned a couple of things from this:
1) If something seems wrong/weird, make sure you keep and eye on it and get it checked.
2)Seemingly innocent things (like cysts) can change, so getting something checked once isn't good enough. It needs to be monitored as changes occur.
3)Different doctor's give different answers. Many of the doctor's I saw at the medi-clinic would feel my lump but assure me that it "didn't feel like cancer" and "I was too young anyway". My last two doctor's were the ones who actually ordered tests (ultrasound and biopsy) and found out what was going on. Granted, my cyst was not cancerous for a long time, but without the tests I had the cancer wouldn't have been found.
4)If something is bothering you about your body, do not let yourself be brushed off by statistics (age, sex, etc) or other assumptions your doctor may make. It's up to you to be persistent and find the right doctor.
So, once it was determined I had cancer I was sent to a surgeon. Normal treatment for breast cancer (depending on the stage) usually consists of a lumpectomy and radiation therapy. Because I'm pregnant, however, I was required to have a mastectomy as radiation therapy is harmful to fetuses. My surgery was successful and (according to the biopsy during surgery), my cancer has not spread to any lymph nodes (and therefore anywhere else). I find out the official pathology this week.
I can't start chemo until the babe is at least 21 weeks old, so that won't begin until October or so. I'm not sure yet the length of time my therapy will be (it can range between 3 and 6 months) and, depending on the pathology results, I might have to have radiation after the baby is born.
As to why I got cancer, that's more difficult to answer.
Although influenced by my pregnancy, pregnancy does not cause cancer. My surgeon told me that no one knows the cause and this is just an unfortunate accident of nature.
For me, I think it has been a blessing in disguise - God's way of telling me to slow down a little bit. I was living a high stress lifestyle: grad school, Kung-Fu, church activities, etc. It was rare that I sat around and did nothing.
Having cancer has allowed me to take a leave from school, give up my extra activities and focus on me. I have become more relaxed and (in a strange way) I feel more healthy. I'm no longer worried about silly things like dead-lines or conferences or planning activities. I am now more aware of things that make me happy, my family, my faith, my Kung-Fu. Having cancer is freeing in a strange way.
Lord willing, a year from now all this will be behind me and I will be focusing on enjoying my baby. I hope I remember what's important and to relax. The world has a way of swallowing you up when you forget how precious life is.
So, I will be journalling about my journey as I go along. I hope it will help some people understand breast cancer a little better and be more aware that it's out there. To give you an idea of how traditional stereotypes about cancer are misleading (older women get it), the week I visited my surgeon, four other girls younger than me were also met with and my surgeons have had seven patients under 30 this year!
