Christmas kittens

I hope everyone has had a nice Christmas. I had a nice time. We visited family and what-not. The food was delicious.
On boxing day, Mike, my sister Amanda and I went to the SPCA in Edmonton to adopt some kittens. It was so busy it was a gong show! The place was absolutly packed to the rafters with people waiting to adopt pets. Over 80 pets were adopted that day (according to their counter on the wall) and we ended up waiting almost 4 hours to get out of there and got two of the last kittens. They had to stay open an extra hour just to finish processing everyone.
It was really nice to see so many adoptions going on; the place was pretty much cleared out of animals (cats anyway) by the time we were done. I just hope they all stay adopted and went to good homes.
I have to admit, I expected more people to be returning unwanted Christmas pets than adopting new ones, but I'm glad to say I was way off the mark on that one!

Our kittens are adorable! We got a four month old, sleek black kitten who we named Puck in honour of Shakespeare's " A Midsummer night's Dream." We also got a tiny, two month old, fuzzy grey kitten who we named princess. She is the cutest thing I've ever seen!

Anyway, if any of you are considering getting a pet, I highly suggest going to the SPCA. You pay a fee (about $140 for a kitten), but they have their first shots, you get a free vet visit, their fixed and you get six weeks of pet insurence and one year of liscencing with the city of Edmonton. It's a pretty good deal.

Have a good night everyone, Puck is bugging me for some attention so I gotta go.

The dreaded Christmas cold...

I have to say I love Christmas. It's my faverite holiday. But it never fails, every year, I get a cold around this time.
I don't know whether it's from the weather or the shopping stress or what, but I always get the dreaded Christmas cold.
Right now I'm hunkered down with a nice mug of hot tea and a box of tissues trying to will myself better.
I'm almost done my workout for the day, so I can go to bed soon and get some rest. Who needs sleep anyway?
At least I'm pretty much done my shopping.

I love giving presents to people, but I hate shopping. I think next year maybe I'll crochet some scarves or something. A gift from the heart sort of thing.

Anyway, that's enough feverish rambling for one night.

Merry Christmas everyone and drive safe!
God bless!

I'm back...

I just wrote my last finals on Friday. Finally I'm finished!!!
I've been a walking stress case for the past two weeks and I'm so glad it's over. This year, the science department scheduled our geology finals (all five of them) to take place in three days a week after classes ended. It was a nightmare circus of pain.
But now that I'm done, I find that I still feel residual stress. I haven't gotten any marks back yet so I'm in that weird limbo state where your worried about how you did, but you can't do anything about it; your exams are done.
I was looking forward to relaxing and letting loose for the holidays, but I'm finding that I still have a thousand things I want to get done over my brief break. I'm trying to let some things go, because I really need to recharge for next symester, but it's hard.
It's funny how you can trade one set of stresses for another.

"Take a deep breath, relax, enjoy." That's becoming my holiday motto.
Or at least I'm working on making it so:)

It's buckle down time...

My final exams start next week.
I'm trying to make myself study, but I'm finding it really hard to buckle down. I feel like I'm drained and just don't care.
But that attitude gets me into trouble.
If I don't study hard, I'll do poorly and not accomplish my goals.

I need to force myself to sit down and study boring igneous petrology and structural geology.
I just have to make it to Dec 13 and I'll be golden! I can do it!

I just need to buckle down and work harder...

Goodbye little friend...

This weekend has been a rather rough one. We had to put our little kitten, Bastet, down. He had a very bad infection and was in alot of pain. He was one of the best kittens I ever owned; he was smart, clever, had a sense of humor and was mischevious and active. I'll miss my little friend, but it was for the best.

When we took him to the vet Friday night, the vet gave us a choice: we good keep giving him medicine (he'd been fighting the infection on and off for a couple of weeks) and keep trying to cure him, or we could end his suffering and put him down. As hard as it was, we decided to set him free. Is it fair to keep a suffering animal around because you'll miss it when it goes? I don't think so. But it's bitter sweet. He's at peace now, but I miss him alot.

So here's to you little guy...
I know your in kitty heaven raising heck:)

A little bit goes a long way...

I had as a requirement to complete 17334 push ups and situps by October 31. I'm happy to say that as of October 31, I had completed 19,317 push ups and 18,904 situps.
A while back, I had decided that I could do 10 more reps every night (10 p.u. or s.u. is quite doable) and those extra 10 really added up. I got almost 2000 extra reps in. That's the secret. Always do a little extra. You can always do a couple more. They add up!

I've decided to keep going. It would be such a waste to stop now. I've come so far, I want to keep going. So as of tonight my counts are : 19,645 p.u. and 19,230 s.u.

Who know, maybe I'll have 3,352,160 reps done by the time I'm 80:)

Arg! The dreaded injury and probably poor decisions

Since July 4th of this year, I have been doing push ups and sit ups everyday. My origional goal was to do 150 of each and I started out doing them (push ups) in sets of 11 because I wasn't that strong. Over time I increased my reps to 21, 31 and finally 41. I have been doing over 160 pu and su everyday for the past 2 months or so. I was even planning on increasing my reps again to 51 on Monday.

Everything was going according to plan. Everything was going just fine until this Friday when my dreaded reaccuring injury showed up and reared it's ugly head - my back.

Now for those of you who don't know, I have a back injury. I had surgery years ago and they attached two steel rods to my spine. It has healed but still causes me problems on occasion.

One such occasion was this Friday.

Now normally I just hit the painkillers and push through it for the week or so until it gets better and I'm on my way. This time however, I have my daily quota of push ups and sit ups to fill. Friday night and Saturday night I managed to get them done, but I've been paying for it today.

And so the delemma: Do I take a day or two off and heal. Or do I push through and get 'er done?

It was such a struggle to get to where I am now with my push ups and sit ups, I'm scared to back off and risk back-sliding. I've been crawling forward ever so slowly for the past four months so the thought of having to gain back ground upsets me.

But then the logical part of me chimes in with, "So you miss a couple of days, so what? It's not going to make a difference really."

I can't stop doing them. I won't stop doing them. I've been doing them everyday for four months, during exams, weddings, funerals, bad days, good days, all days. If I miss a couple of days for this, what's to stop me from missing a couple days when I'm tired from tests, or busy with work or just don't feel like it.

So I have to keep doing them; I'm going to keep doing them.
I just have to go about it differently.

Instead of doing them (the sets) all at once and taxing my injury, I can do the sets farther apart. Maybe I can do crunchies instead of situps or smaller sets altogether. I just need to go easy and go often.

I think that'll work. I hope that'll work.

So much for probably poor decisions:)
Stupid injuries! Arg!

Hell Week

I'm just about finished my "hell week" at the U of A. Tomorrow I write my last midterm (of 6 this week) for the term. Thank goodness!!!
I'm so burnt out I can't even pretend to study anymore.
I have to say, before attending the geology program at the Uof A, I had not experienced a panic attack or had any problems dealing with exams, but now I can say I am a veteran:)
Dealing with hard core stress is something that I and my friends at school have had to learn to deal with. It can be hard though.
My friend called me this weekend while we were cramming for two major exams on Monday to tell me she was so stressed out she had thrown up six times that day. Not good.
I myself almost broke down in tears Sunday night because I was so worried about my exams.
I just keep telling myself that it'll be ok if I don't get that A I wanted, if I don't get accepted to graduate school, if I fall flat on my academic face and ruin everything, it'll be ok.

Monday was the a bad day for me. I had to write my Igneous Petrology exam (a class about igneous (volcanic) minerals) and my Petrogenesis (a class about diamonds) exam within a half hour of each other. My Petro exam was worth 25% of my final mark so I was worried. On top of that, when I woke up that morning, my cat's face had swollen up and I needed to call my sister to take him to the vet.
So after writing my exams, I rushed to the vet to see my cat. Three hours later, I left having gotten in an argument with the vet, been suckered out of $200 and my cat having healed on his own in his cat crate (he seems to be fine now thank goodness).
Worst day ever...

But after all that, my sister and brother brought me pizza and some movies and we all had a nice night. My stress started to melt away and I realized that in the grand scheme of things, tests aren't worth crying over or puking for; they're just tests.

But I have to say, it's hard finding that balance between trying to do your best at something, and letting that take away from the quality of your life. What amount of sacrifice is school worth? How highly should I value it? Right now, I'm acting like it's the most important thing in my world. Is it?

Thanks!

In honour of thanksgiving, I would like to post a few things that I am thankful for.

Thanks God for family,
for good times, good laughs and good food,
Thanks also for my car,
without which I wouldn't get far!
Thanks for my health, my wealth and my happiness,
I have everything I need to lead a good life and be a good person,
Thanks God for looking out for me!

P.S. Thanks for Kung-Fu too:)

Tai Chi Action Plan...Update

So awhile back I posted about my tai chi.
More correctly I posted about my lack of tai chi and the need to improve.

So far, my action plan has been going well.
I've been practicing it (the tai chi long form) almost everyday and I'm half way through part 4. I only have half of part 4 left to learn and I'm golden!

Now that I'm experiencing some success, I'm going to try and impliment this plan with other aspects of my training (other forms, etc). I've found the biggest boost this plan has given me is focus. I'm remembering to practice and I'm even looking forward to practicing my tai chi.

My action plan has also had an unforseen side effect...I'm starting to like doing tai chi. Who would have thought?:)

Don't join the military...join Tim Horton's!

My sister arrived back from Afghanistan tonight. For those of you unawares, she was serving a 6 month military term over there. For those of you wanting to see her now that she's back, we're planning on organising a get together for everyone.

After picking her up from the airport, we all went out for dinner to have a chance to talk and grab some grub.
She told us stories of the desert - the sand, the sand mites, the spiders, the locals, etc, but one in particular got me.
We had asked her if she had gone to the Tim Horton's on the main base. She said she had and then preceded to tell us an interesting tidbit about said establishment.


She said that those working at the Tims recieve the same medal she does for her stint of service in Afghanistan and they leave with about 10,000 more dollars than her.
I was shocked.
Now I know that those who go over there to serve coffee are doing a good thing, but I don't consider them to be doing as an important or dangerous job as our military personelle and I definatly do not think they should be getting paid more.
In other words, our government needs to step it up.
For that to happen, we all need to step it up and let the government know that we think our military is important.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we should follow the American's lead and make our military the top priority; I'm saying we should at least invest enough so that our guys are appropriatly compensated.
Otherwise they might all quite and go work for Tim Horton's.

Irresponsible people SHOULDN'T OWN PETS!!!!

I want to begin my entry tonight by saying what a wonderful job everyone did today for Travis' celebration. It was very touching and I think Travis would have enjoyed it.

On another note...
I want to talk a bit about responsibility.

On Saturday, I had to take little Bastet into the vet to get his shots and his ears cleaned. I was in the examination room behind the front desk waiting while my kitty got tortured in the back. While I was seperated from the front by a door, I could still here conversation going on out front.
I was sitting, waiting and minding my own business when I heard someone enter the clinic.

"I have a question for you guys," a 20-something male voice began as the secretaries halted their chatter.
"I've got this cat and I need to get rid of it or I'm going to be evicted today. Do you guys take cats? I was going to just leave it in someone's yard, but I thought you guys might want it."
The secretaries, and myself (still in the other room) were appalled.
" You can't just LEAVE a cat in someone's yard!" the one secretary exclaimed, "And no, we do not except strays. I can give you the number to (insert some stray animal saving society here) and you can see if they'll take them, but I can't gaurentee they will. You CAN'T JUST LEAVE IT though!"
At this point, my heart strings were strumming and I really wanted to open the door and take the cat myself. But logic stepped in and I remembered that we're only allowed one pet at the place we rent and it would be irresponsible to take a pet I could't provide a home for.

The guy thanked the ladies (a fake, almost hostile response to being rejected) and left. I had missed my chance at changing anything.

Now this guy was a dirt bag. He was acting irresponsibly, selfishly and without compassion. But what did I do to solve the problem? Nothing.

I think I made the wrong right decision.

Now I'm not saying I should have accepted the cat, but I could have talked to him and given my number in case the stray foundation didn't work out. I could have called around and helped find a home for the cat. I could have listened to the screams coming from inside my soul and done something, anything to asure that the animal would be looked out for.

But would me having whisked the cat away have taught Mr. Dirtbag anything about responsibility? Probably not. But I don't think doing nothing helped either.

I like to think that the stray foundation accepted the cat and found it a loving home; this thought helps me sleep at night.
But I'm still left with the dilemma of what I should have done.

In all honesty, I refused to act not because of some higher hope that Mr. Ratguts would learn to deal with his own responsibilities but because I was afraid.
I was afraid of what my husband would say if I brought home a cat, what the guy would say if I had given him a piece of my mind, what the ladies would have thought of me if I had stepped out of the room and joined in the conversation; I was afraid to get involved.

In the end, although I had wanted to take the cat, I know I couldn't have kept it. I just wish I had done something to change things.
Sometimes it's hard to do the responsible thing.
Sometimes it's even harder to know what the responsible/ right thing is.


P.S. To all you jerkwads out there who think it would be cool to have a pet, make sure you can keep it for the long haul!

I've been having a hard time dealing with the tragedy of Mr. Panasiuk's death. Although I can't say I had the priviledge of being a good friend of his, I had the pleasure of instructing him during the lion dance classes.
I have to say, he was the ideal student in every way. I always looked forward to teaching him. He was like a sponge, always eager to soak up whatever knowledge was offered and he always did it with a grin.

One of my requirements for second degree black belt was to write an assignment on the five people who had most influenced my training.

He was one of my five.

To me he represented the irrepressible spirit of Kung-Fu. He never complained, never backed down; he gave his all in everything that he did. His enthusiasm and joy when it came to Kung-Fu awed me. I wanted to be like him and I aspire to be as driven as he was.

So I plan to work harder in the hopes that I can do his memory proud.

We'll miss you Travis.

Today is the day I had set in my training goals to review my progress and have Master Brinker look over my training journal.

As I reflect on the last 2 months (I began on July 1st), I am confronted with the fact that I am not where I had hoped I would be. Granted, I have had successes, but one goal in particular is bothering me; tai chi.

I had set quite a few goals for myself to have completed by October 31. These goals included 150 push ups a day, 150 sit ups a day, learn the spear form, perfect my fan form and learn the tai chi long form. So far I have kept up my push ups and sit ups ( I do 160 of each now), I have learned the spear form and have been pushing forward.

But, the tai chi form is still on my to-do list.

Tai chi has never been my favorite part of Kung-Fu; I've never really liked it. However, I know it is good for me. The benifits to one's flow, centering, balance, etc. are tremendous and I should be all over it, but I'm not.

So, as I sit here reflecting, I'm trying to come up with a good excuse as to why I've been avoiding it. Truth be told though, I have only myself to really answer to when it comes to achieving my goals, so why bother trying to find excuses anyway?
I need to stop focusing on the problem (Oh my gosh I haven't learned it yet! I've been lazy and procrastinating and how the heck am I going to learn all this?!?) and focus on the solution (you can do this...think!).

Here it goes:

Tai chi action plan

step 1: Define the goal
I want to be able to make it through the entire tai chi long form without stopping or getting help. I will utalize the following resources: fellow black belts to learn from and the video to fine tune.

step 2: Motivation
I will have to stay motivated and focused if I want to succeed.
options: start a tai chi log
train with a buddy
reward myself when I succeed

choice: I will keep a tai chi log of my progress and will reward myself when I have learned it. The reward is yet to be decided.

step 3: Practice
I need to actually buckle down and practice this if I'm going to succeed.
options: practice once a week
practice once a day

choice: practice once a day. I'll do it once a day at least.

step 4: Deadline
I want to have this completed ultimatly by October 31.


This action plan takes effect as of tomorrow, September 1st.

There, a solution has been created, now I just need to follow through with it.

Well, my cat successfully published 3 blog posts this evening; what a genius.

For the last couple of months I've been trying to dedicate more time and effort to my training. I've been struggling with achieving my goals and, with another school year fast approaching, tonight I found myself worrying about my training when school begins, with exams, projects and what not also on my plate.

But then Master Brinker's voice popped up in my head and said, "What are you talking about, no time for Kung-Fu? School work is Kung-Fu!"

I am guilty of forgetting this. Kung-Fu is in everything I do, if I look for it. If school work is what will be occupying the majority of my time, then bi-golly I'm going to do my homework like a Kempo Kung-Fu black belt would. I'm going to excersise that brain of mine until it hurts and do the best I possibly can.

All I can do is try my hardest and that's what I'm going to do.

We got a kitten just over a week ago and I've already learned alot from him.

He's an orange tabby and we named him Bastet (after the Egyptian godess of cats). He's very playful and quite smart and he has become the joy of our life.

He has brought to life for me what Master Brinker has been talking about living in the moment. Every second he is discovering new things, playing or just being. He never spends an afternoon watching t.v. or reading trashy magazines. Every day is full of adventure and play, rejuvinating naps and great food and he makes use of every moment.

I've been trying to learn more about living in the moment from little Bastet and tonight I learned a special lesson.

There was a thunder storm tonight and we had the back door open to the screen to let the air in. I had walked away to go back to my t.v. show but I caught Bastet going to investigate. I stood and watched as he stood at the screen watching the lightning and trying to catch the stray drops that landed at his feet. It was so adorable watching him wrinkle his nose as droplets hit him. I walked over and stood with him, t.v. show forgotten, and together we watched the storm. It was quite a light show and I'm glad I didn't miss it.

I have little Bastet to thank for that. Tonight he taught me to keep my eyes open and to see the wonders of the world around me. He's teaching me to live in the moment and I'm so grateful we got him..

What a good little cat! ( He came from Sifu Freitag, breeder of Kung-Fu kitties, and she still has one kitten left I'm pretty sure:)

Blogging again...

I read in the paper today (Edmonton Sun) about the funeral for that boy who was murdered on the grayhound bus.
The story wasn't about how tragic the situation was or how touching the funeral had been. It was about a group of protestors who had threatened to show up and picket the funeral. The group was (from what I got from the story) from a Baptist church in Kansis, USA. They were going to picket the funeral because they believed that the murder was God's punishment for Canada's liberal views on issues like gay marriage.

I have to say, I was shocked and aghast. All I could think of was how insensitive and inappropriate that protest would have been and I was angered by the idea.

Fortunatly, the protest did not occur, although hurt had already been caused by the threat.

After I got over my disgust, I got to thinking and two issues came to my mind: Method and Motivation

The group's methods were obviously not very effective.What good would that protest have served the group's message? Their goal is to raise awareness and promote their message, but this protest has brought them nothing but bad press and hurt alot of people.

Everyone has an opinion or message or view they believe is right and often people try to persuade others. But you have to think about how you're going to persuade people. You don't do it by offending people or upsetting them. You do it by convincing them that they will benefit from that viewpoint. You convince people by your own happiness and success. When people see you living the good life, they want the same and are therefore willing to listen to your advice or suggestion. You must woo them with your words and actions.

Their lack of empathy also had me questioning their motives. When we protest something or try to raise awareness about a cause, we must remember our ultimate goal: to make the world a better place for everyone, not just ourselves. It should be an act of love for the human race, not an act of hatred. So a situation like this causes one to think, are they promoting this message to better the lives of others, or to legitimize their own point of view?

It comes down to selflessness verses selfishness. Someone acting selflessly will try to help others lead a better life and isn't afraid of standing up for what they believe in because they know it is right and good. Someone acting selfishly acts out of a lack of confidence in their own beliefs and a need to find validation; the aren't trying to help others, they're trying to feel good about themselves.

So I'm going to try to keep this in mind as I try to raise awareness for issues I find important. I need the right Methods and the right Motivations.

My thoughts and prayers go out to the family of that poor boy. What a tragedy.

A thought...

A memory from this past school year has been on my mind of late and I thought I should share it. It is a lesson one of my professors taught me about priorities.
The class I was taking was called Natural Resources and the Environment. We learned about regulations, case studies, environmental history and such. I have to say it wasn't my favorite class; I didn't like it at all, but it was a requirement of my program and so there I sat three times a week in a giant lecture hall of at least 100 people listening to this guy try and teach us about the environmental movement.
He was pretty good at keeping our attention usually. He did things like show video clips or bribe us with timbits. One day though, he particularly got me.
He got on the subject of priorities, what we all value and count as important. He put up a list on the power-point and told us to put everything in order from what we thought was the most important to the least important. Here's the list to the best of my memory:

education
your left arm
your television
the lives of two African children
your computer
nice clothes
health
a big house
new car

So we each took a sheet of paper and began to order the list (give it a try yourself right now).
After about five minutes, he told us to stop and share what we had put down. Being idealist university students, we all put down the Africans as number one or two, followed closely by education, health, etc. We all put "material goods" at the bottem of our list because we, as enlightened educated individuals, knew that these things just weigh us down.
Our professor nodded and smiled at us as we congratulated ourselves on picking out what was obviously the most important in the list. Then he told us a story.
He has spent quite a few summers in Africa doing his research. He was doing alot of work with very poor communities, studying how they live and he told us that every summer he goes there, he meets alot of children. While he is there, he does what he can to help out, but every summer he returns, many of the children he met the previous summer have died of curable ailements. They die of water born diseases or malnutrition or other things.
The sad thing is, he continued, is that if he just sold his big screen t.v. he could have saved at least two more African kids in that village by buying them medicine and food. But, he said, he really, really likes his big screen t.v.
So he made us look at our lists again and said, be honest with yourself, put your tv, your education, your material things above the Africans because that is the reality.
He told us to continue to watch our t.vs or play on our computers, as he does, but don't kid ourselves about our priorities.
His point wasn't to guilt us into selling all of our stuff, because he said it's a hard thing to do; his point was merely to show us how it is our actions and lifestyles that reflect our true values, not what we like to tell ourselves to make ourselves feel good.

I've been thinking about this and trying to figure out what my real values are and how I can start reflecting them through my actions.

Just a thought...

Have you hugged your inner ninja today?

For anyone who doesn't know, I'm in university right now studying geology. And it was while standing bent over a 5ft long cross section, correlation well logs in my stratigraphy lab, that I became reaquainted with my little inner ninja.

Now I believe that everyone has a little inner ninja, at least everyone that trains in the martial arts. He's the voice you hear whispering in the back of your head, "you should practice today," or "you can do one more push up!" He's also the one who catches the glass that is knocked off the table.

I must admit, lately, being back in school, my little ninja and I have fallen out of touch. A sad state of affairs, I know.

But while hunched over the seemingly endless well logs, trying to find the picks for the formations of the western canadian sedimentary basin, one of my lab partners asked me what I do in my spare time.

I said Kung-Fu.

And that's when my little inner ninja stirred inside me.

I could feel the exhileration of it coarsing through my viens as I told them about my "hobby". Memories of trials and tribulations, of taking a hit and giving one. The excitement of it took my breath away.

Sometimes, when your around martial artists for alot of your time, you forget how special Kung-Fu really is. It has made my life what it is and I am so grateful.

It was a great reminder of this when my lab partners said "Wow! That's so cool!"

It's great to be back in touch with my inner ninja. I missed the little guy and I was taking him for granted.

So...have you hugged your inner ninja today?

The "Bucket List"

Imagine yourself sitting on your sofa, enjoying a nice cup of tea and watching some television when all of a sudden, you see the secret to your life's success splashed across the screen in the form of a commercial.

The offending commercial I speak of is for the movie, "The Bucket List".
The commercial says, for anyone who hasn't heard of it, that "The Bucket List" is a movie about two old men who decide to make a list of things they want to so before they die; then they go do them.

So, since the "cat's out of the bag", I guess I'd better explain.

One of the secrets I attribute to my success in life is having kept a "Life's to do List". This is a list of things I have wanted to do during my life.
Now I know this doesn't seem like a life altering, problem solving solution to all of life's problems. But just hear me out.

It's not the list itself that has made my life better. I mean it does help to keep me focused and remind me of my goals, but that's not the point. It's the stuff I get to check off of the list that really makes the difference.

It gives me confidence.

And confidence is one of the keys to being successful.

One of the most satisfying things I've ever done is put a check beside "Math 115". That class was nothing but a nightmare for me and I get alot of joy from seeing that little check mark beside it. I look at that when I need a confidence boost.
When I look at that little check mark, I remember all of the sweat, all of the tears of frustration and all of the work that I put into that class; and I remember how I passed it. That little check mark tells me that the things I'm trying to do now are a peice of cake. It makes me realize that I can do anything if I work hard enough at it.

That little check mark gives me confidence.

I've posted my list from my journal on the side to remind me of my new goals and keep me focused. I also posted it so I can look at it when I need a boost.

I think everyone should take the time to sit down and write down everything they want or think they want to do. Just make sure you include things you've already done so that you'll have the confidence to tackle the rest of your list. Nothing is to far-fetched or too impossible, you just have to buckle down and get it done.

Take a little time and invest in yourself. Fill your own "Bucket List". It's worth it!

Promises to myself

I have a confession to make.

I have to admit, this is rather difficult. My fingers are straining at the keys. My mind is screaming NO! Don't tell them! and the stark white emptiness of the computer screen seems to be telling me to run away.
I'm closing my eyes, taking a deep breath and...

I'm not in shape.
There, it's out. That horrible little sentence is free from my mind to haunt me now from the world of the written.
Granted, I wouldn't say I'm an invalid. But for my own personal standards, I am not where I would like to be physically.
I have always approached excercise as a "do when you feel" sort of thing. I've never really been able to stick to a set routine.
But no more!
I'm going to grab that horrible little sentence by the horns and do something about it!

The problem has been identified, now for the solution.

One thing about writing for the public (i.e. posting on the internet) is that you can't take it back. There is a record of your thoughts that millions of eyes (depending on popularity) can see and remember.
This blog holds me acountable. It makes me think before I write and if I don't, it teaches me a lesson in humility.
That being said, I am going to use this to set some goals for myself.

If I say I will do a thousand push-ups a day to my friend and then don't, oh well. My friend most likely will still talk to me if I don't do it and I can go on watching T.V without any real consequences, immediate consequences anyway.
If I tell my Mom I'm going to climb Mount Everst next Sunday, she will have her doubts but smile. When I fail to complete the monumentous task, she will still meet me for our weekly coffee.
If I write it down, however, if I put it into words and hit the "Publish Post" button, that's it, I'd better do it.

So, without anymore adu...my goals for this week:

1. 10 knuckle push ups everyday when I wake up. As soon as my feet touch the floor.

Start one step at a time I always say...

Another day, another dollar...right?

Picture this:

It's a cold, dark evening. I'm sitting at the computer, trying to write something meaningful and life altering that will gain me the admiration of my peers.
It's not working.
Try as I might, all I can think of is my night at work. Waitressing is not the most glamorous of professions and I have to admit, I hate going to work. Hours on your feet rushing around, serving nice people, mean people, beautiful people, smelly people and the people with that really annoying nasally voice that just makes you want to scream....
Talking, chatting, squabbling, complaining, crying; noise...so much noise. By the end of the night your brain, ears, eyes and feet are sore and your tired of the human race and just want to sleep.
All of this unpleasantness for $7 an hour.
Why go through this same routine every week? Why drag my feet and tie down my spirit? Why oh why must I smile at that lady that comes in every week to complain about our soup?
I ask myself these questions and more on my drives home as I debate, after every shift, whether or not to become a homeless hippie that eats grass and doesn't have to work any more.
The answer I invariably come to is that I need the money. I want the money. Money makes me feel good because it gets me stuff; and everybody likes stuff....right?
More money means bigger stuff, more stuff, shinier stuff and better stuff. And stuff means happiness. At least that's what my good friend the T.V tells me all the time. Nothing like the advice of a good friend to illuminate the path to fulfillment.
Why do I go to this horrible job? To make money to pay for university to get a better job to get more money to get more STUFF.
That's just depressing.

But wait just a minute. That can't be all there is to life. Granted, I like having a warm place to live and the money does help with that. But is that all? Is all I get for those 8 hours of my life $56 (before tax)?
No.
I like to think that, as I'm smiling at the elderly lady that comes in every week and complains about the same annoying things, I'm not just making that $7 an hour, I'm learning a skill.
She's teaching me patience.
Washing dishes teaches me humility. Service teaches me empathy. Seeing that couple fight makes me grateful for my family life. I'm not just getting more money, the money is almost a bonus. I'm getting hard core spiritual betterment. Every miserable moment working makes me a better person.
I guess that makes it all worth it.
Now I fell better.
Even if work does suck:)